Week 19 - the Journey

This week's blog is a bit different than most weeks. I am devoting this week to my journey through graduate school.

I WAS A COLLEGE DROPOUT

I AM A FIRST-GENERATION COLLEGE STUDENT

I SCORED A 19 ON MY ACT

None of the above should have or did define who I would become and what I was capable of.

 Day 129

Is there ever a right time for anything? We could 'what if'' ourselves to the point of never starting but there will never be one perfect time that solidifies one's decision to move forward. 

If you have been on the fence about trying something new, changing careers, starting a family, taking a vacation, or moving across the country, just do it because most often you will never have a solid understanding of when the right time might be. 

In December of 2018, I decided to apply to graduate school, not even sure I was prepared to attend three more years of graduate school. I remember feeling anxious about how my life would change again; however, I didn't let the fear of hard work deter my desire to earn a terminal degree. 

Was the timing perfect, no but I did it regardless. Don't wait for a loud voice to validate your decision because you likely won't hear it. Your personal aspirations and goals will help guide your path.

NO more waiting for the right time for anything - do it today, tomorrow, next week, or next month - you won't regret it.

Day 130

I never put any thought into the word 'grit' until I was working on my degree. There were so many moments of self-doubt, negative thinking, discouragement, crying, anxiousness, and feelings of inadequacy. However, they too passed.

What I learned in my previous work through my counseling degree was that we must acknowledge our feelings for what they are and then either come up with a coping mechanism or move on. 

The critical factor is not allowing yourself to stay in that place. 

Feel all the feels, but then find a way back to your reality.

Day 131

The reading NEVER, EVER ended. Although I have been in education for decades, the reading for this degree was on another whole level. I had to make cliff notes every day because I couldn't remember the new terminology (especially research terms). 

I remember one of our professors told us we would remember "ontology, epistemology, phenomenology, grounded theory, inductive and deductive analysis, etc."  by the end of our program and I surely doubted her but she was completely accurate. Although it took a lot of work and review.

Day 132

Before the writing got so intense, I pictured my weekends at a coffee shop just working away and accomplishing so much. What I didn't realize was that I always needed two computers and lots of documents for reference. So, it was difficult to bring all of that into a coffee shop to do the work and I don't think they would appreciate me taking a large table for hours and hours. So, 90% of my writing occurred at a desk, couch, or the floor and I usually looked like a hot mess.

Below was a pen mishap. I literally hadn't left the couch for several hours and then when I got up I realized I had been sitting on a blue ink pen the entire time. If you notice, those are pajama bottoms as I usually didn't wear normal clothing on weekends because I never left my house much less the couch. So......... this was my great attempt to rid my couch of the blue ink using everything 'google' told me to. The stain is still there today and will always be a reminder of my lengthy writing sessions.

Day 133

Just one of the many, many zoom sessions we went through together. When you go through with a Cohort, you become quite close to some of them and actually rely on them for support throughout the journey. 

~ COHORT 3 ~

Outside of my mission trip with my sister over a decade ago, this is the first group of people that I truly feel connected to because of what we have all gone through. As Jeremiah R (a member of our Cohort) stated more than once, it 'takes a village.' He is completely accurate as we needed each other to lift us up when we didn't think we could go on, we needed each other to laugh or we would cry, we needed each other to share the positives and the negatives, we simply just needed each other. 

Although our significant others and families were great support for all of us (as mine talked me off the ledge many times), they truly couldn't understand what we were going through because they haven't been in our shoes but our Cohort members did. I relied on mine, I trusted mine, I am grateful for mine, and they have become lifelong friends. 

Day 134

This was our medal ceremony before graduation. 

Covid prevented us from attending our two summer residencies, so this was the first time we were able to meet in person and it was a great joy to hug them all in real life. 

Day 135

 I actually finished my degree in late August of 2021 but wanted to walk through graduation so I could meet my people. So, what is next for me? I have had time to think about it; however, I am not sure. Graduation was just another event and it surely does not signify the end of learning and growing as an educator or as an individual.

What I learned throughout this journey.......

~you will pray a lot for guidance and grace

~if you work hard, you can do anything

~commitment takes sacrifice

~support is required and should be sought out when necessary

~acknowledge your feelings but don't allow your thoughts to get stuck in negative patterns

~you can't do it all, so something has to give (my house surely needs a deep clean this summer)

~nothing happens overnight, be patient and take one day at a time

~you will meet some amazing like-minded individuals

~be patient with yourself

~it is ok to have a crying meltdown every once in a while

~you will grow in so many unexpected ways 

~you will question if you have the grit and tenacity to get through it

~you will inspire others in ways unknown

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As this journey has come to an end, I look forward to the next journey that will present itself to me.